After a brief dalliance with Trump’s favorite media network, John Oliver is back to covering the only thing that matters in 2020: The coronavirus, and how the pandemic continues to screw over essential workers. “It’s a broad term,” Oliver reminds us about who’s deemed essential, “that can include any job from health care professionals to custodians to grocery store clerks to, I would argue, TikTok stars teaching me how to dance.” The most egregious of these companies, he notes, is run by the world’s richest nude-sending man, who only recently revised the paid sick leave policies and safety measures for his workers. A video PSA, where Amazon celebrates their “hero” employees, is particularly irksome to Oliver.
“It’s hard to say what I like least about that,” he explained. “Maybe it’s the schmaltzy piano music, maybe it’s Amazon patronizingly claiming they care about the well-being of their ‘heroes,’ or maybe it’s just the fact that, out of context, the Amazon smile logo is a quick sketch of an uncircumcised dick. It’s probably a combination of all three.” If you still insist on ordering off Amazon for your quarantine goodies, though, Oliver begs you to make sure you actually need whatever you buy. So, not a dildo. Maybe flour. Okay? “If you feel you’re not working in safe conditions it can be even more infuriating to know the items you’re packing can be anything but essential,” he added. “Risking your life to get someone a sex toy probably doesn’t feel fair.”